we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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