i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She's the barista slut.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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