dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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