Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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