You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Of course I have a pirate flag
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
