we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
