He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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