I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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