"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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