I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize