once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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