I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
