She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
