Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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