im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
high people should be assigned attendants
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
