so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
