Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
