Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
