Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
