THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
