kristin has been a bad kristin
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's just like the Real World with babies
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
