I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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