What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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