You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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