Im at strip club and am horny
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
