2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
