I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
