i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
