someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
