redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
