I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
