We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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