Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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