Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
