You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
