Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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