there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
