we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
