well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
