your parents love me but you hate me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
