You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
