I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
