You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
