it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize