I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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