The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
