True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
