Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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