Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
