Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
