guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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