A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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