I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
