I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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