Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my shit smells like andre
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize