The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
