My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
