i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
