I hate all girls vehemently.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize