Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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