Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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