he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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