What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
