Need sex. Gaining weight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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