so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
