I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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