lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
