She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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