A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
