if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
