I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
