How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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